La sapete l’ultima di Matteo Renzi? Ve la racconto. Dal celebrato tunnel dall’allora ministra Maria Stella Gelmini (un tunnel che nell’immaginario della ministra andava dalla Svizzera all’Abruzzo nel quale vivacissimi neutrini davano vita ad appassionanti corse) al tunnel del San Gottardo di cui ieri il nostro premier, ad insaputa degli amici svizzeri, ha cercato di appropriarsi. Ha detto che andrà ad inaugurarla… Tranquilli. Non è il primo lapsus storico-geografico. Le gallerie, insomma, luoghi di scivoloni per i nostri governanti. Forse a causa del buio… Della mente. Questa della Galleria del San Gottardo – ripeto – è soltanto l’ultima delle gaffes inanellate dalla ex Giovane Marmotta. Tra mise, look inadatti e indossati male, comportamenti inadeguati e scivoloni lessicali, è ricca la galleria dei lapsus e degli orrori. Dal punto di vista estetico clamoroso fu il cappottone abbottonato male in occasione della prima visita alla cancelliera tedesca familiarmente e confidenzialmente chiamata “Anghela”. E ancora in materia di style Engand che dire del completo azzurrino in occasione della visita del primo ministro thailandese? Un completino dai pantaloni della lunghezza di tre centimetri sopra i bordi delle scarpe, una lunghezza che metteva in bella mostra i calzerotti in pendant con tutto il resto. Un simile look lo ha esibito anche recentemente, ma non ricordo in quale occasione. Tanti, troppi i viaggi da commesso viaggiatore sul nuovo aereo-giocattolo per ricordare tutto. E non posso permettermi una segretaria… Gaffes su gaffes, una dietro l’altra. Come le ciliegie. Come il giubbotto antiproiettile sotto la giacca che gli disegnava spalle deformi… Roba da “Benvenuti al Sud”. Non a caso, del resto, accadde a Nairobi… Ma non sono errori consapevoli. La colpa – assicurano gli intimi – è del giovanilismo che lo perseguita, la colpa è del Peter Pan che non vuole abbandonare Matteuccio, la colpa è del non rimosso spirito infantile da ex Giovane Marmotta. E tradiscono la sua condizione mentale, gli sguardi e il linguaggio del corpo falsamente spontaneo e disinvolto. Tornando ai pantaloni, la stessa lunghezza simil pescatore-pinocchietto l’ha messa recentemente in mostra in occasione della lectio magistralis da lui tenuta ai giovani del Pd. Per passare a comportamenti più recenti, da trasmettere agli archivi, la stretta di mano fuori etichetta rifiutata da Gustavo, re di Svezia, in occasione della venuta a Roma del sovrano. Matteuccio in quella circostanza rimase, come si dice, con un pugno di mosche in mano. E che dire del gavettone estivo in tenuta balneare quando era a la page autoinfliggerseli in nome della solidarietà? E poi la fissazione per le camicie aderenti che impietosamente denunciano la presenza di ingombranti “maniglioni dell’amore… Dal look al lessico. Senza indugiare sulla sgarrupata (precaria, approssimativa, accidentata, per i non napoletani) pronuncia e parlata inglese, si ricorda la confusione fatta tra “studi umanisti” e “studi umanistici”, la storia scritta e raccontata a modo suo, tra cui la presa italiana di Nizza e Savoia, il ruolo conferito motu proprio all’Eni (“è parte dei nostri servizi segreti”), le promesse fatte e poi ritirate, le sbruffonate che hanno finito per trasformarlo in materia prima per la creatività di Crozza.
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